Salaam

Salaam means peace, Asalaam aleykum - I wish you peace. Ive been away for so long feels like eternity. Reading my thoughts of the past brings good memories and also amazement. Did I really write that? In this last 1yr Ive been writing-phobic if such words exists. Grown more and more verbal than usual. I had expectations when I left for home some of them with time became a reality and a majority didnt work out as I anticipated. I learnt alot; great hands on experience, bonding with people regardless of their religious or social ties, compassion though I also lost myself inthe day to day slavery. The idea of me, my needs, my existance was being erased slowly and totally in such away I wanted out. Away from work, away from this world and the never ending wants, I needed time for "me". A 2 week holiday to Zanzibar saved me, I almost had a nervous break down. At the beach house, I would sit and watch the changing tides, the dawn and sunset, children play. I enjoyed the evening and morning walks barefooted on white sand which could take 1 to 3 hours long with a family member or alone. I could sleep with the sound of the waves crushing the shore and the beautiful sounds of the coconut trees swaying to the breezes. I am grateful noone was dependant on me, I could do what I willed. I had the best of fruits, seafood and company. Also a small collection of magazines and novels to divert my thoughts. I learnt to play Bao for the fun of it, ah, the child in me was allowed to play again. My life needed this simplicity and serinity and my body needed to rejuvenate. Those two weeks were like 2 months to me, I put on weight, felt good and got a tan; most importantly I was in peace again with myself, the environment and my Creator. I was ready to go to work, finish what I have started and be me the ever so positive person.

I completed my contract and left with anger and resentment again. Bureacrasy wins again, my papers werent completed. After 3 weeks of dillydallying things werent rolling, truth is they didnt want me to leave. Still dont, "you should do your postgrad now I will vauch for you personally" and other promises. I instead have other plans would like to go to greener shores again and do my postgraduate there, then consider giving help back home or anywhere in Africa. If my plans fail after 2years of effort I may change my mind. Postgraduate back home is poorly on academics, you work as a laborer for example 102 patients can attend clinics on a day once I single handedly saw 35 patients from 9am to 430pm I was exhausted. still had a smile and kind word to say to them and the night call was still awaiting me. The living standards are still unsatisfactory and the pay unrewarding. And there are so many unnecessary frustration.

Im currently at home giving my father company.Though he complains I talk alot these days. I still havent got my papers but Im recupareting and thanking God Ive still got my head screwed on and wired properly. I will go back to get the document but as for now Im planning for new adventures and beginnings which are keeping me busy. Though I miss my patients and friends dearly. I miss the social talks we had as they were my real family, they made life bearable and made me understand that my efforts even if it meant a smile during the rounds was appreciated.

I also miss seeing the Kilimanjaro every morning and the calmness of surroundings in Moshi.


As God said in every beginning there is an ending. Mine for now has ended a new one has begun.
Fiamanillah.